It’s Christmas eve, a day that holds with it so many memories, and with that expectations. Christmas should “feel” a certain way. Is it Hallmark that does this to us? The comfort of tradition? Certain things should just be part of Christmas Eve and Christmas: kids home, presents, candlelight service, filling stockings, nightcap of eggnog, morning delight, lots of wrapping paper, hot coffee, laughter, egg bake in pj’s. This year my kids aren’t with us for the first time since their birth (but they are together, which is great.) It’s not possible to have it “feel” like Christmas past. So I’ll let go, and let it be what it is, and make something new and meaningful. I learned this “expectations” lesson 3 years ago…this old post from 2006 was a great reminder this morning.
I am your servant, let it be. This expression of ultimate surrender has stuck with me over the years. As I spoke to those young mom’s about letting go of expectations, accepting what God brings, and serving Him faithfully no matter what it is, I was giving my own Christmas to Him. My daughter and her husband were coming home and we’d have to share them with two other families for a week. Not an easy thing for me. “Let it be.” I used this is my reminder to accept what is, not fight it. I was feeling pretty good about myself that Thursday. I sensed God was teaching me how to accept what He brings.
Then Friday came. My dad called. My mom was in the hospital. She had fainted and he had called 911. She has a pool of blood inside her abdomen, a bleed of some sort. They seemed to have it under control. But they might not make it for Christmas. Maybe we could come the week after and bring “Christmas” to them. I was relieved it wasn’t more serious, but very sad that they might not be able to come. They are very much a part of our Christmas each year. I reminded myself: “I am your servant Lord, let it be.”
Saturday morning Dad called. Mom seemed to be doing well. They’d keep her for observation. But maybe they would get to come. He’d keep me posted. That was at 8 a.m. At 9:30 a.m. he called again. She had a huge turn for the worse. She was hemorrhaging badly. I was in the car on my way to their home (4 hours away) in an hour. “I am your servant Lord.”
The next 3 days were very difficult. My mom knew me when I arrived. But within hours she was no longer conscious. She never spoke again. My brother and sister came, we wept, laughed, sat by her beside. We comforted Dad. We told many stories. We sang by her beside. We didnt sleep much. On Tuesday morning she quietly breathed her last breath.
My mom was an amazing woman. She was baptized as an 8 year old. She was raised as a pastor’s kid. She grew up during the depression, with very little. She married a man who became a bank president. She learned how to support him well, yet never forgot to care for those who had less than she did. She was a great mother to 3 children who learned everything about life from her. In her later years she struggled with depression. Eventually she was diagnosed with what they thought was bipolar disorder. She could not live without medication the last 20 years of her life. During her struggle, Jesus had a hold of her. He never let go. She was the Lord’ servant, let it be.
Our family will bury her body in a couple of days, back in the town I grew up. These last days the memories of my childhood there have flooded my mind. Those distant days seem almost like a dream. Did they really happen? Perhaps that is what it will be like in heaven; the memories of earth will be a distant memory, because the current reality will be so amazing: a place with no sorrow, pain or tears.
Someday I’ll join my mom there. Of that I am sure. Until then: “I am the Lord’s servant, let it be.”
So once again, Christmas is not how I would plan it. I’ll let go of expectations. I am the Lord’s servant, let it be.
Sometimes I think this i question is imprinted on my forehead. I may ask the question another way “how do you think it went?” or “What’dya think?” or “what was your take on the evening?” Whatever form of the question, I am realizing that at the heart of it is “how did I do?”
This weekend a friend from Minnesota stopped for an overnight visit. Kim is a friend who had a huge impact on the trajectory of my life.
I’ve been thinking about how important it is to “listen up” as I try to listen well in my conversations. By listen up I mean – listen to God at the same time as I listen to someone else. Multi-task, so to speak.
For two years now I have been spending some focused time in my life on becoming a better listener. That’s really hard for a verbal processor.
I’ve been thinking a lot about success lately. We often ask the question “What does success look like?” or another way to put it “Define the win.” A friend of mine said recently that she thinks success is an American word. Very cultural. It got me thinking. What does God think of “success”. What is it really? Who cares? Seems like most people around me want to be successful. Whatever that means:
I do think there is a key and was reminded of that this week in a sermon about love. Self-awareness may be the self-word that turns selfish into selfless. For when we are able to get a glimpse of what we look like to those around us when we are selfish – we become self-aware, and we realize we don’t like what we see, which leads us to desire something different for ourselves. (Wow I just can’t get away from that self-word!)
