Lifestyle Creep

I’ve been thinking alot about our “lifestyle” lately. I guess because of the economy and everyone talking about how they are cutting back. I’ve read things like “no more eating out every week, no more Starbucks, less travel, fewer gadgets.

20 years ago my husband and I with two kids were living on his post-doc salary. It wasn’t very much. We did great though. I never felt poor at all. I got used to spending very little. Once he got a real job we bought a house that forced us to keep living at the same standard for several more years.

Then it happened. Some great friends of ours joked and called it Lifestyle Creep. Like a frog in water that’s heating up. Little by little the lifestyle goes up…eating out more, buying more expensive food for “special”, a new TV – bigger screen, more cool gear for camping (that’s not a bad thing is it?!), buying books at Borders instead of using the library, a new pillow for the couch, a new couch…the old one doesn’t really match. It keeps going, slowly but surely. We earn more – we spend more, to have a better life. That’s the creep thing.

Granted our lifestyle never crept beyond our means. We still managed to release money to charity and save a fair amount. But creep it has. But not as much as other people we know, we still have old cars, we still don’t eat out all that much (all the rationalizing.) But I think I want to be done creeping.

Somehow as an American this is the question that seems to be of highest value during an election year:”Are you better off than you were 4 years ago?” This makes the assumption that the goal of government is to make sure each person in the US is better off than they were before. LifeStyle Creep is the goal. Do I really measure my success in life by lifestyle creep? That’s really creepy!

What if we started changing the goal and it became Lifestyle shrink. Ha! The question would be this “is your life simpler, more manageable, less expensive, less frivolous than it was 4 years ago? Do you give more away to those in need? Do you value people more than stuff? Do you make decisions based on goodness rather than on your pocketbook?”

Lifestyle shrink. That’s what I want. Of course some of you will think I need a shrink after this post!

The unseen part of the story….

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the story behind the story of our lives. I read this fantastic book by NT Wright called “Surprised by Hope” that really opened my eyes to the unseen realities or what the Bible sometimes calls the “heavenly realms.” That is where Ephesians says the resurrected Christ is right now. And stuff is happening in “heaven” just like stuff is happening in our earthly world. It brings new meaning to “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” And someday the realms will merge and be made new. Wow!

Then Saturday I was reminded by our pastor that we are a part of this unseen story, and we have no idea how what is happening behind the story we see.  We see some things and get excited, but the amazing part is that we can be part of God’s story – most of which we can’t see.  So I’ve been trying to approach life trusting more in the story God is working out.

Think about it…anything we do is not in isolation. Every person we talk to, every check-out clerk, the bus driver, my neighbor is in the middle of a story both seen and unseen. When we interact in someway with our surroundings we are contributors to something that is already in motion. All kinds of things we can’t imagine are happening and as we choose to act in step with what God is doing (even if we can’t see it, I think sometimes we can sense it) we are participating what He’s doing in others lives, and in the world.

So  I write a post on my blog, knowing that maybe 5 people will read it. But it’s out there now, part of the story. Who knows who reads what we write? But my blog can be part of God’s blog, I think. (Does God have a blog?)

One day last year I got a letter from someone I worked with 25 years ago. He told me he had run into someone who had worked with us for one year while she was in college. He said her name. It didn’t even ring a bell (I guess I am old!) But he wrote me because she told him what a profound effect I had had on her faith and he wanted me to know. Wow, I don’t even remember her.

We have no idea what our part in the story really is. So we just keep our eyes on Him the author (of the story) and perfector of our faith.  And let Him be in charge of the story. And someday we’ll get to see it all revealed. Very cool.

Friends…

I have had so much gratitude lately for my friends. I really think this point in time is the richest yet in my life when it comes to friendship. I am overwhelmed with the people in my life, and my love for them.

Maybe its my stage in life – empty nest. My husband, my very best friend is such a great companion. Perhaps being home alone has deepened our friendship. It is so great to have a friend who you know loves you and knows you completely. I am SO grateful that he is indeed my best friend.

Perhaps being friends with my grown daughter adds to the gratitude. To have 20 something daughters who I consider wonderful people, who I love and admire and enjoy spending time with. That is such a gift!

Maybe its also because I work every day with people who are very special to me. So each day is filled with friends. The women I work with are truly amazing. Every day I am amazed at how special each one is, and how I see God at work in them. We are all different ages, and that diversity makes my life rich. I could never have imagined having a group of women I enjoy so much, and being able to see them every day.

There are a several couples that my husband and I enjoy deep relationships with. That too seems to be a new thing for us. We’ve always had friends, but not with this much history and depth of relationship. Perhaps living in the same place for 24 years allows this.

I also wonder if part of my experience is coming to the age that I am comfortable in my own skin. I have mostly lost that feeling of comparing. Not completely, but it has faded more to the background. That sense that maybe I’m not as smart as the other person, or as classy, or as stylish, or loving. And then wanting to somehow keep up with others. That feeling inside really keeps me from enjoying others fully. I love not really caring what others think, but rather caring FOR others and enjoying who God made them.

Whatever it is, I am so grateful. Because when life is rich in relationships, my heart feels enlarged. Like I have more love to give and more room to receive.

“this old (wo)man”

Being in my 50’s wouldn’t be so traumatic if it weren’t for the sudden attention to body parts. I am a strong believer in preventative medicine. I eat healthy, get exercise, take my vitamins, and visit the doctor every year for a tune up. The tune ups keep getting longer and more complicated. In the last month I’ve had a mammogram, colonoscopy, thyroid test, lung xray, general physical with all its tests, and now a bone scan. Just to see if my bones are dying yet. It seems you hit 50 and they start looking for “stuff”…signs of falling apart. I’m getting lots of reading done in waiting rooms!

The reality is our bodies do wear out. I am so thankful that I am healthy. Wow, what a blessing. But it is a sure thing that this healthy body is going to wear out. It wasn’t built to last. It’s rather sobering that what is happening to our 15 year old car (“I’m sorry but it’s not worth fixing anymore.”) is going to happen to every one of us. It’s so strange how we age, but yet feel like the same person on the inside.

And here is my point in all this. I really want to keep my body healthy, and I will as long as I can, but it’s a done deal that it’s going to wear out. Thankfully I get a new one someday that won’t wear out. But my “heart”, now that’s something worth working on. That part of me that is somehow on the inside…connected to my body, but not dependent on it. I don’t mean my beating heart, I mean my soul heart.

I want to figure out how to keep my soul healthy, not just my body. Because my soul has every chance of not just deteriorating, but getting better every day. How cool is it that there is a part of me that is not going to deterioriate – if I don’t let it. I need to know how to feed and nourish my soul. Sadly I think I pay more attention to my body than my soul. Hmmmm…something worth changing.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (corinthians)

Less is more

I’ve been thinking about “less is more” the last few days. In college I took a watercolor class and one of our assignments was to do a painting that was less is more. The idea was to paint as little as possible to get across an image, and the viewers mind would fill in the rest. That way more diversity came from one painting, because each person filled it in with their own mind/experience.

I’ve been thinking how this applies to ministry. How to do more ministry with less busyness. Less programming frees up people to do more ministry in daily life. Less church activity means more time with neighbors. Having fewer obligations means more time to respond to those in need. Often churches spend so much time and energy creating ways for people to minister to others. If each person stepped out and ministered to those around them, it would be more ministry with less orchestrating. Sometimes I think we measure how much ministry is happening by how much programming is going on. I don’t think that’s how God sees it. He isn’t looking at the program. He is watching the relationships, the care, the love, the acts of kindness.

Sometimes I think we suffer from the more is better syndrome. Perhaps it is a product of our consumer society. We think the more we have the better off we are. Somehow we’ve been made to believe that our worth is tied up in our material abundance. What is your net worth? And our sense that we always need to be producing something to be worthwhile. Maybe we somehow think that the more programs we have at church, the better. We do this with our kids too. The more activities they are involved in, the better people we think they will become…more versatile, more talented, more abilities. But maybe less is really more. More meaningful relationships, more calm, more in touch, more responsive, more sane.

I must admit I am a bit of a no frills person by nature. I basically hate hassle, and love to cut corners. Less is more really appeals to me, because of that. It’s possible that I am just being lazy – more or less.

Peace in the middle of chaos

Did you ever ride the tilt-a-whirl? I hate that ride. You sit in this round bench and you go around really fast in one direction. Then suddenly it jerks you in the opposite direction and you go around that way. You get super dizzy and feel like puking. Well, that is sort of what the last couple months have felt like to me.

Too much to do, too many things happening at once, tons of unresolved issues, and a sense of chaos most days. At the end of the day my brain hurts.

My reaction at times like this is to take control. Figure it out…problem solve. Get a grip. Well none of that was working. I needed a sense of peace, but I just felt burdened and anxious. I realized I longed to learn how to have a sense of peace IN the chaos. Not just once I get out of it. Because this chaos was lasting a while, and the burden was getting really heavy.

One day a couple of weeks ago I was reading in Exodus 14. Moses has just led Israel out of slavery. Whoo Hoo! They are high-tailing it out of Egypt. Pharoah’s army is behind them but they are losing the race. Then they hit the big Red Sea. YIKES. Chaos ensues. They are all screaming at Moses

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

I’ve been saying that every day, many times a day.  I can release the panic, the burden.  HE will fight for me, I need only to be still. I am part of His story, I can stand firm and watch Him work.

The chaos is still very real. But so is the peace. Unexplainable peace.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

Living in day-tight compartments

15 years ago I heard an sermon by a man who was in his 70’s. He had served in the navy for many years. He was talking about the uncertainty of life every day. I don’t remember much about his sermon except this one phrase has stuck with me: “live in day-tight compartments”.

He was talking about how frightening it was in the navy during WWII and how you never knew what was going to happen – what you would be called upon to do. There were high risk, crazy things happening all the time; bombings, battles, etc. They taught the troops to live one day at a time. Make it through today – don’t worry about tomorrow. This brought him great freedom during the war. He asked God for grace to make it through each day, and was thankful at the end of each day for making it through that day.

Jesus talks about how the birds live in Matthew 6. How they don’t worry about tomorrow, God provides for them each day. “Who by worrying has added a single day to his life? Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I am not very good at living in day-tight compartments. I am a person who plans ahead to a fault. But in recent days, which have been pretty stressful on many fronts, I have tried to live more in day-tight compartments. To wake up each day and give that day to God. At the end of the day thank God for making it. Tomorrow is a new day. I can get through each day, one day at a time.

Last night after dark I sat outside on our deck. It was a balmy night. The sounds of nature blended with the distant sounds of the city. I was still. I was at peace. I sensed God’s incredible presence, of which I am not worthy. It had been a good day, full of friends, family and yard work. So much to be thankful for. I sat there for about 30 minutes basking in the quiet. As I thought about the week ahead, I decided to continue in day-tight compartments. In the morning I would start the new day. Right then I would bask in the quiet, the peace and be thankful.

The to-do list is long. The work ahead is hard. But each day is something to treasure. I can do each day, as God leads and provides, one day at a time.

Change is hard

In many ways I feel like this season of my life has been full of change. My world changed when my oldest daughter got married and left home. My world changed when my mom suddenly passed away. At work we are restructuring, we are moving to a new location, we are growing rapidly. So much is changing. I can’t get a grip on what life will be like 6 months from now. It is all continuing to change.

I love routine. I love eating the same thing for breakfast every morning. I love the order I do things when I get up. I love saying hi to the same people every day as I walk down the hall to my office. I like the simple act of turning on my computer and then pulling up the window shades. I really enjoy the simple routine of getting home from work, petting and feeding my dog, then walking outside with her into the yard and taking in the sights, smells and sounds. I do this every day. Routine makes me feel safe, grounded. I think God made me for some kind of routine. It just feels good to me. I often envy those people who long for adventure and routines don’t matter to them. I think at a very basic level I hate change. It’s hard for me.

As good as if feels to have things stay the same, when things are static it can mean they aren’t growing. When something isn’t growing, it might actually be dead.

I love this Henry Nouwen quote:

“The Greek word for faith means to trust – to trust that the ground before you that you’ve never walked on is safe ground. God’s ground, holy ground. Walk and don’t be afraid. Don’t want to have it all charted out for you. Let it happen. Let something new grow. That is the walk of faith – walking with the Lord, always walking away from familiar places. Do you choose life? Or are you choosing death, that fearful place where you hang on to what you are most familiar with? Ecstatic living, real joy, is precisely connect with stepping onto unknown ground, trusting that you are in safe hands.”

Change is definitely very hard. But it also very good. As my husband often quips “if it hurts, its gotta be good!” (I hate it when he says that!)

Now Discover Your Strengths – 2.0

I loved the book “Now Discover Yours Strengths” and it was great fun to discover mine: Woo, Strategic, Communication, Focus, and Arranger. I had to agree they all rang true. Now they’ve come out with 2.0 – a smaller book – very cute. Just holding it made me want to buy it and take the test again.

But I was thinking – do you really discover your strengths by taking a test? How DO you discover your strengths?

If I was wanting to know how much iron I could pump, I would keep adding weight..to see how much strength I really had. I wouldn’t pick up a couple of 25 pound weights and say..there you go, that’s my strength. I’d keep adding weight to discover how much strength I really had. (Incidentally, I don’t have very much!)

So I’ve decided that to truly discover my strengths, I need to do some things that are a stretch for me. That makes total sense. You don’t know it’s there, until you try it. Which means that failure is a huge part of discovering my strengths. Perhaps if I have never failed at anything, I don’t really know where my strength lies. Or at least what the limits are. I think I need to forget about fearing failure, and instead fear never really knowing my strengths.

Now if you add the fact that Paul says – “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” there is some serious weight lifting that should be going on!

Enough Light for the Next Step

I ran across this quote from Henri Nouwen. He mentors me through his writing. One of the best. This quote resonates with my blog title “Journey in the Dark.”

“Often we want to be able to see into the future. We say, “How will next year be for me? Where will I be five or ten years from now?”

There are no answers to these questions. Mostly we have just enough light to see the next step: what we have to do in the coming hour or the following day. The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain (or worry – my edit) about what remains in the dark.

When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the next step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go. Let’s rejoice in the little light we carry and not ask for the great beam that would take all shadows away.”

Enjoy your next step by His light! Sometimes it’s even good to walk blind-folded. Like that trust game you played as a kid. Each step definitely leads to the future, whatever that may be. You’ll know it when you get there.